Goals Change

This time of year people seem to spend a lot of time thinking about their goals. Must be that looming January 1st coming up. A new opportunity, for sure, a fresh year. But also a moment when you need to face what you achieved in the past year, and what you didn't. The Resistance generally has a field day with the latter. We are so good at breaking ourselves down; if anybody else talked to us the way we talk to ourselves we'd run a mile in the opposite direction.

Somebody on Facebook asked whether we were where we thought we would be 10 years ago. Being a young 'un, she is only 10 years out from high school - in my case, it's been over 30 years. Gulp. What were my goals then, and what have I achieved?

There is no question that I have achieved one of my major goals, although I might not have articulated it that well at the time. I have a husband and three lovely children, all of whom are bidding fair to become people I'm going to want to know when they are adults. Not something to be taken lightly, I assure you. I made a couple of false starts on the marriage front, and I'm very glad I didn't make any innocent bystanders in those circumstances.

When I signed up to study physics in 1983 it was a very wrong choice for me, made for all the wrong reasons. I can't believe I made it all the way to a Ph.D. Just because I'm smart and capable of doing something didn't mean I had to do it. My health suffered along the way as all the wrong reasons went straight for my gut. I'm still paying the price for that. I would never have finished it without the support of my wonderful husband. It is also true that I would never have met him if I had not gone through the agony of trying to become a physicist. Maybe that was the purpose of the exercise?

After we came here,  I became a research scientist for a few years. Not the right thing for me, either. Again, I'm smart and capable and I did quite well, but I didn't like it. So I became a university instructor for a few years. I did well, but the university was looking to increase its research profile, so there was no job for a person who didn't want to do physics research. Onwards.

I went back to university and got a Bachelor of Education degree. Now I am a certified teacher, and I do enjoy teaching. I'm also slowly pursuing a certificate in Technical Communication, because writing seems to be one of the things I do best, and is also most compatible with spending time with my children and taking care of my health. Sleep deprivation, in particular, can be problematic for teachers, especially relatively new ones, and my health depends quite crucially on getting enough sleep. It's an issue.

Regardless of where I end up with the teaching, there is no question that the B.Ed., like the Ph.D. before it, was not a waste of time. When I need to advocate for my children, I get a whole different level of respect and cooperation from the teachers, because I speak their language and understand their perspective.

So many twists and turns in the road, and the show ain't over yet. I was talking with a friend today about putting together a resume as a technical writer, and she told me to put in every piece of software I ever worked with. Oh, the memories of using WordPerfect in the 80s, of programming in FORTRAN and C and C++ in the 90s. So many things that had their uses in the past, and may turn out to be unexpectedly useful in the future.

Goals are great to have, but they do tend to shift with time ... how have yours twisted and turned and shook themselves while you weren't looking?

On losing

Of  course when you take part in a competition, you run the risk of losing. I sent off little pieces to two competitions recently, and in both of them, I didn't even get an honourable mention. I have no idea where I ranked because they didn't say. I'm hoping not too near the bottom.

On the one hand, I'm not surprised. I've only just recently taken up this writing gig again, and I have a long way to go. It was actually helpful to be shown just how long that way is ;-).

Still, it's never fun to lose. Having got everything I'd sent to people up until then at least published (mind you, mostly for free, but still), I was beginning to get a somewhat inflated view of my skills. It hurts to be deflated, even when it is good medicine.

This is where my friend Holly's blog post comes in handy. Very encouraging to those of us who might be tempted to give up when things get rough (although G-d knows I have no intention of giving up just yet!). I just need to learn how to improve.

What do you think, what are you perhaps a little discouraged about?

Busy

 
 Isn't it amazing how we use busy to avoid doing real work? You will not believe the amount of time I have spent today on busywork. But what have I achieved?

To be fair, I have tackled a few tasks I've been procrastinating on. There are some jobs I will do today (like changing the sheets on everybody's beds) that will greatly contribute to the comfort and health of my family. But really, when it comes to writing my eulogy, will anybody care?

I struggle with balance. My husband, bless him, has been working hard to make beautiful wooden floors for our house (thereby removing my last vestiges of River Heights envy). If I let dust bunnies collect in the corners of those gorgeous floors, what message does that send? But how much time should I devote to chasing dust bunnies? If I spend all day on my laptop trying to write while ignoring my children, what good is that? But if I spend the day with them and try to write by night and destroy my health, have I improved matters at all?

I think I need to re-immerse myself in Flylady, to get those routines going so my house will practically clean itself. I know it is possible because I have been there in the past. Spend 15 minutes and it is amazing how much you can get done. It's just so hard to get up from the darned laptop.

Housework and childcare are not really the voice of the Lizard Brain, although the LB can definitely use them to fill up the time. See, it says, you don't have time to write anything worthwhile because you are so ... BUSY.

What do you think, how does your Lizard Brain ensnare you?

More blog love

After the fun of my 7 Links post, of course many more bloggers flooded my mind. So I'm going to write a post about some of the bloggers I enjoy reading, without any regard to that 7 Links challenge. Of course, if anyone wants to take it up, all the better!

First and foremost, my dad writes not one but two blogs - Pollyanna about things that make him glad, and Titan for rants. If you are at all interested in science, human rights and the situation in Israel, he's the one for you.

Then, there's my friend Hadassah Sabo Milner, who writes a very cool blog called In the Pink. Mommy stuff, from a sassy, smart and drop-dead gorgeous Modern Orthodox lady. Oh, she's a first-rate foodie, too. Always worth reading.

Talking of Orthodox Jews, their communities can be a little secretive. This fascinating blog is written by a guy known only as Dov Bear. He is very knowledgeable, iconoclastic, level-headed and relentlessly logical. With all of that, he appears to live and thrive in a very right-wing, dark-ages black hat community. No wonder he keeps his identity a deep, dark secret.  I'm just so glad he shares his thoughts with the rest of us.

Another blog I like to read, although it only appears sporadically, is in over your head, by Julien Smith. If you listen to the audio book of Trust Agents, he's the guy with the charming French-Canadian accent. All about being the best you can be in the brave new world of the Intertubes.

If you are interested in life with a person with special needs, you might want to read Fumbling About in the Dark, by a woman I know only as MissShuganah. Following her on Twitter as she struggles to advocate for her silent daughter has been a true education for me.

There are more, but I'm going to stop now. Let me know what you think so far.

The 7 Link Challenge

OMG, my friend Holly Jahangiri, the author and blogger, has nominated me for the 7 Link Challenge. Given how many blogger friends she has, I am humbled and amazed that she thinks I can do this. The least I can do is give it the ol' college try, as they say.

Here are the rules - you should especially pay attention if your name/blog are at the bottom!

So I went back and read all my blog posts. I started back in August, and here it's the end of November already. They have definitely become less tentative as time went on and the Lizard Brain got a little quieter. But let's see if I can find some for each of the categories.

My most beautiful post? I think it is probably the one I wrote about the first snow of the year. I just love that first snow - although, as Hawksley Workman said, by February our thoughts on snow will be contrary!

How do you gauge the most popular post? Looking at which post had the most comments, I ended up with this one on choosing a day of rest. Well, there's one with more comments but that's mostly a conversation with my sister ;-).

I don't know that I've written too many controversial posts. I think I may go with this one about the connection between type 2 diabetes and lack of self-care in women, specifically my mother.

Most helpful? Oy vey. I hope to be helpful one day, but so far I don't know that I have been, particularly. Of course, there's the post that I wrote to help my friend Holly win a blogging competition. Yeah, I'll go with that one ;-).

A post whose success surprised me was the one about Jack Layton. Not that it got read by many people, but my friends said such nice things about it.

A post that didn't get the attention it deserved was probably this one about treating young people with respect. Kind of ironic but there you go.

So far I am definitely most proud of the latest one, about G-d, the universe and everything.

There, that's done! Now to come up with 5 bloggers whom I dare bother with this ... I'm just going to put my favourites and hope for the best. These are mostly blogs I've come to know through Flylady, who has changed my life (for the better) beyond recognition. Marla herself has a blog but hasn't updated it since August, so I suspect she has given up on it. She does send wonderful essays out to her followers.

Jimmy Moore's Livin' La Vida Low Carb blog
Leanne Ely's Saving Dinner blog
Leslie Gonzalez's MissusSmartyPants blog
Sarah Fragoso's Everyday Paleo
And finally, the only blogger whose name I don't know, who writes the Comfy Tummy blog.

If you are reading this and you are a blogger whom I didn't name, I ask your forgiveness and ask you to consider yourself invited! Leave me a link in the comments and I promise to read your blog ;-).

So, any thoughts, friends?