Is the Negative Voice the Evil Inclination?

I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts today - Jonathan Roche's No Excuses Weight Loss on Blog Talk Radio. It isn't really about weight loss, although that may well be a welcome side effect of listening to Jonathan in the long term. It's really about the Lizard Brain, the Imposter Police, or what Jonathan calls the Negative Voice. Jonathan encourages listeners to exercise, eat well, but most importantly, to learn to silence that voice that tells them that they aren't worthy of all those loving efforts.

So why am I blogging about this now? I've been listening to Jonathan for years. I enjoy his direct approach, his gentle humour, and his uncanny ability to put his finger on the real issues his callers are struggling with. But today he spoke with a long-time listener from Israel, a guy named Steve. That was interesting enough in itself as the overwhelming majority of Jonathan's callers are female, although Jonathan handles male callers with the same ease and aplomb, with no hint of awkwardness. Steve has been dealing with some major health issues, but he's been doing well recently - swimming, walking and becoming more fit. That's all good, but then Steve said something I found quite fascinating. Jonathan commented on his positive attitude in the face of his health challenges, and Steve said that the Negative Voice was "what we call in Hebrew the yetzer ha'ra  - the Evil Inclination."

According to Jewish tradition, children are born with the Evil Inclination, but start to develop the Good Inclination (the yetzer hatov) after they become Bar or Bat Mitzvah (13 or 12 years of age for boys and girls, respectively). The Good Inclination's job is to control the Evil Inclination, to make a child who is only interested in pleasure into a responsible adult who is an asset to the community. It is a long struggle.

But the rabbis did not see the Evil Inclination as a demon to be exorcised - it is considered the source of many good things in life. If the Evil Inclination were banished, there would be no marriage or procreation, no one would bother to work or invent anything, ambition would be gone. The Evil Inclination drives people to desire.

How can this powerful force for creation be the Negative Voice or the Lizard Brain? The Evil Inclination is not fearful. It doesn't call us names - on the contrary, it flatters us into action we may regret. Maybe it convinces us to eat cake we don't need, but I imagine that the desire to increase health and energy comes from the same source. The Good Inclination doesn't lead to the kind of fierce joy we get from being strong. If anything, it is more likely to put us in our place - maybe the Negative Voice is more related to the Good Inclination? How confusing.

It seems that the traditional Jewish concepts of Evil and Good Inclinations don't map easily onto the idea of a Negative Voice or Lizard Brain or Resistance that is trying to keep everything status quo, keep your head down and don't rock the boat. If anything, that much-lauded Good Inclination would play the bad guy role, as it takes the Evil Inclination's wild energy and bops it on the head and pushes it into socially acceptable directions. Yet, anyone who does not learn how to function in society, at least minimally, is going to be seriously distracted from their creativity and art by the difficulties of everyday life. Wheels within wheels and layers within layers!
 
This has turned out to be a somewhat abstruse blog post, but I really love combining different parts of my life in this way. I hope you like thinking about these things, too.

About the Imposter Police

It's a funny thing - whenever I mention the Imposter Police, women immediately know what I am talking about, and men look at me as if I have two heads.

I first encountered this concept when I was a student in the Physics Department at the University of Amsterdam. I helped organise a symposium about women in science, and we called it "Stepdaughters of Pythagoras and Archimedes", talking about how many women feel uncomfortable in the sciences, as if they don't belong there. One successful woman scientist mentioned the Imposter Police, the ones who were going to come and take us all away for impersonating scientists. We all knew exactly what she meant. Despite our demonstrated competence, we are sure that we couldn't possibly be as good as those confident guys (who are probably just as lost sometimes, but would rather die than admit it). It's a problem, and while it is probably not entirely unique to women, it does seem to be more prevalent in that population.

I know scientists, mostly male, who fit perfectly in their professional skin. They work extremely hard and sometimes get frustrated, but they do not doubt their basic calling. In particular, one scientist told me that he studied physics because he loved it and found it intriguing and worthwhile as a career, and that he did not once pause to consider anyone else's opinion of his choice.

For the rest of us, struggling with the Lizard Brain, that fear of being found unworthy by whomever judges these things can be incredibly paralyzing. Of course, one could ask who gave those supposed judges authority over us in the first place. I think this connects with the akrasia post from earlier this week - quite aside from physical cravings that could be connected to food addictions such as wheat or sugar, or micronutrient deficiencies such as minerals or salt.

I would love to delve into the way women sabotage themselves, put themselves down and deliberately destroy their health. I know that men do all these things, too (heck, the Greek philosophers who coined the term were almost all men), but I imagine that the forces behind the behaviour are different - I could be wrong.

Who is with me on this journey? I would love to hear your thoughts and insights. Especially if you disagree with me!

The Greeks called it ἀκρασία

I first ran into the term akrasia, acting against one's own self-interest, in a post by Mark Sisson. I've had blogging about akrasia on my to-do list for a while, and tonight I finally sat down to do it. Grabbed a chocolate chip cookie before I started writing. Sigh. Paleo, huh.

I have to admit that I found Mark's first article on the subject kind of abstruse and difficult to follow, even though I minored in philosophy way back in the last century.  He talks about free will, the weakness of the flesh, and the interesting concept that we only have so much decision-making strength in a day, that having to make trivial decisions all day long leaves us without the ability to make important ones by evening. A second article by Mark explores the physiological roots of cravings - lack of sleep, lack of certain nutrients, fear of social exclusion. All of these can lead us to toss aside our carefully reasoned choices and decisions and just go with something we know will make us miserable in the long run. I like these ideas,but I think the real answer may lie deeper in our psyche. Not that I claim to have that answer, mind you.

My real catalyst for writing about akrasia, aside from my own regrettable weakness for gluten- and sugar-filled treats that will make me pay dearly at 3 a.m., was a lovely comment that was left yesterday on this blog, on a post I wrote over a year ago - one of my first posts, in fact. It was about fighting the lizard brain, Seth Godin's term for the resistance. the part of our brain that shuts us down and fills us with fear. I think there is a relationship between akrasia and the lizard brain, although I'm not sure exactly how it works. It's something to think about - expect more posts about this in coming weeks.

What do you think, do you sense a connection between self-sabotage and the fear of success? What kind of words do you think we could build to flesh out that connection? Talk to me!

The Flinch - An Amazing Book You Need to Read

The Flinch - used with permission.

I first learned about Julien Smith through Chris Brogan's blog. I bought their book, Trust Agents, through Audible (at that time I was still into audio books - now I have too many podcasts and audio books on my iPod and will never, in seven lifetimes, listen to them all, sigh). Julien, as I've mentioned before, is the one with the charming French Canadian accent, although he doesn't like my saying so ;-). I started reading his blog and kind of fell in love, although he's way too young for me ;-). If you hop over there (it's linked from his name above), you'll see what I mean. That's OK, I'll wait.

Back already? Isn't he cute? But he's not only cute, he's also got some painfully acute insights to share. I've been jabbering on about the Lizard Brain and the Resistance and all those words I've picked up from Seth Godin. I've been reading Seth's motivational words for years, and sometimes they even get me moving a little bit, but somehow Julien's little eBook, The Flinch, seems to hit that much harder home. Maybe because Seth doesn't usually swear, and Julien does, prolifically. Who knows?

Julien not only talks most eloquently about the flinch, the fear or resistance or lizard brain or whatever we want to call it, and how to conquer it. He concludes each chapter with a frightening homework assignment. Some are not so bad (I can talk to strangers on the street no problem, I'm in Winnipeg, not in Montreal!), but he also suggests dropping your Blackberry on a tiled floor just to experience the freedom. I don't think I'm ready for that just yet. Maybe one day. It did get me thinking about the worst consequences of all the things I seem to be afraid to do. As Julien points out,

Still feel like you’re in danger? Look at it this way. Early man’s lifespan was about 35 years. If you got injured, you were done. No modern medicine, so each encounter meant blood loss, infection, or death. You can’t relate to this. Your lifespan is double that. Science and technology mean you can survive almost anything. It may be expensive to do so, but that’s still a significant improvement over death from an infected cut. 

But despite this safety net, your flinch is still there, in the back of your brain—still a goalie, but a goalie for things that are nowhere near as dangerous as they used to be.

It makes me look at the fears and inertia that keep me from sticking my neck out and applying for work that I might be rejected for (I have a half-completed application at Elance and a half-filled resume at LinkedIn, among other steps I started to take and then shrank back from). I've been acing my tech comm courses at Red River College, why do I think I can't do the work people are offering? I'm sure I'm completely capable. So why am I afraid to throw my hat in the ring? It's the flinch.

The eBook is completely free (does it count as a bestseller if over 75,000 copies have been downloaded from the link above in the past two months?). Read it and come back and tell me what you think. It would be a great discussion, and maybe we can help each other get over ourselves already and get things done.

Oh, and if you get a chance, tell Julien I sent you. I still have a teeny little crush on him ;-).

Busy

 
 Isn't it amazing how we use busy to avoid doing real work? You will not believe the amount of time I have spent today on busywork. But what have I achieved?

To be fair, I have tackled a few tasks I've been procrastinating on. There are some jobs I will do today (like changing the sheets on everybody's beds) that will greatly contribute to the comfort and health of my family. But really, when it comes to writing my eulogy, will anybody care?

I struggle with balance. My husband, bless him, has been working hard to make beautiful wooden floors for our house (thereby removing my last vestiges of River Heights envy). If I let dust bunnies collect in the corners of those gorgeous floors, what message does that send? But how much time should I devote to chasing dust bunnies? If I spend all day on my laptop trying to write while ignoring my children, what good is that? But if I spend the day with them and try to write by night and destroy my health, have I improved matters at all?

I think I need to re-immerse myself in Flylady, to get those routines going so my house will practically clean itself. I know it is possible because I have been there in the past. Spend 15 minutes and it is amazing how much you can get done. It's just so hard to get up from the darned laptop.

Housework and childcare are not really the voice of the Lizard Brain, although the LB can definitely use them to fill up the time. See, it says, you don't have time to write anything worthwhile because you are so ... BUSY.

What do you think, how does your Lizard Brain ensnare you?

I beat the Lizard Brain!

I know such victories are fleeting and the battle must be fought every day, but each time my frontal lobes manage to shut down my amygdala, I feel the need to crow from the rooftops like a rooster.

So, today is Wednesday. As most of you are getting tired of seeing on Facebook and Twitter, I'm doing the Couch to 5K program, and I'm mostly running Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Drop the kids off at camp, change into my outdoor running shoes, pack up my paraphernalia (water bottle, iPod with headphones, hat, oy vey) and head OUT THE DOOR. No compromises. It's just what I do on Wednesday mornings.

This morning the Lizard Brain was in full whiny force. It kept listing all the reasons for me to stay in the gym and do something less strenuous, and I had to keep squelching it like a game of whack-a-mole. The conversation went something like this.

LB: I need new shoes.
Me: True, but these still have a few runs left in them. I'll get new ones before the 5K, I promise.

LB: I hurt my foot on a broken curb yesterday.
Me: True, thank you for nothing City of Winnipeg, but it's not that bad. My running shoes give much better support than sandals and I think it will be OK.

LB (full-bore whine): But I'm TIRED!!!!
Me: Well, um, you know, if YOU would let us get to bed before midnight once in a while instead of staying up doing Facebook and succumbing to carb cravings ... whatever. We're going to do this.

But the final blow to the Lizard Brain, and one that I'm very glad I added to my arsenal, was the following.

I've got nearly $500 worth of people who believe I can do this. I can't believe how much money my rocking group of friends and family have raised in three days. I'm humbled and blessed and everything else. Of course it's a good cause, but there are lots of good causes and lots of ways to contribute to this one, and you chose to support ME.

I went out and did my run, my foot was fine, I feel less tired than before, and I love you all. Thank you for believing in me, and helping me believe in myself.

What has your Lizard Brain been complaining about? Any way you can improve your defence against it, too?

Fighting the Lizard Brain

One of my favourite Internet people is Seth Godin. I follow his blog faithfully, am a member of his Domino Project and have bought more than one of his books. Without those steady years of brainwashing, I doubt I would ever have started this blog. Phrases like "Don't wait to be picked - do the work" have pushed me out of my passive stance and into doing something - anything - not waiting to be picked. Although, of course, I am waiting to be picked. Waiting to be read, noticed, picked up by somebody who matters more than I do in the Internet world.

One of the concepts that appeals to me in Seth's writing is the Lizard Brain. It's that part of our brain that is the Resistance. that is afraid of change, of doing anything new. It makes us want to sink back into our comfortable rut and read Facebook instead of thinking, writing, doing whatever it is that we think we should be doing to be picked, to stand out, to make art or something else that is worthwhile (although aren't all things that are worthwhile art, in some form or another?).

So here I am, I've written a few blog posts. My dear friends and family who love me and actually care what I have to say have read and a few have even commented. I've put it out there on Facebook and Twitter and LinkedIn (with much trepidation!). It's even been picked up by the Manitoba Educators Daily, much to my surprise. I'm going to assume that it is because it is summer and Andy had no real news to put in there. Or is that the Lizard Brain talking?

My first reaction when I saw that my blog had been picked up in this little Twitter newsletter was fear. Oh no, now I'm going to be read and judged by people who aren't my nearest and dearest ... well, I'm going to hope that they are all at the lake anyway. Or do I really hope that?

I have no doubt that my writing will improve with time and practice, and that there is no reason to assume that people outside my inner circle are going to dislike it even before then. But why do I immediately cut myself down? When I read people's summaries on LinkedIn they are all excellent, experienced, they know everything there is to know about this business. Does the Lizard Brain not whisper in their inner ear? Or are they shouting to drown it out?

I know the Lizard Brain talks to you, too. What do you do to make it shut up?